Will Graham Henry turn Leinster into the All Blues?

 

 Graham Henry

Not tooo much happening at the moment in the rugby world, apart from some Super Rugby. I got to watch the second half of the Hurricanes taking on the Blues, with a lot on the line for Tana Umaga’s Blues, although they got nothing in the end. Safe to say, none of those players will die wondering, it was full blooded heavy duty contact, absolutely ferocious, and played at breathtaking pace. Fitness and skill just at another level to what you see in Europe.

At home, there’s high expectations  in Munster for the start of the Rassie Erasmus reign, and rightly so, he’s a serious operator. And finally Graham Henry is going to be helping out at Leinster, unfortunately not on a full time basis. Hopefully he’ll be able to turn us into the All Blues in the short time he’s here!

Tri Nations Rugby - All Blacks, Springboks, Wallabies - mid term reports.

Photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/48187790@N05/4831234556/

With the action taking a break this weekend, it’s time to do mid terms reports, find out who hasn’t been doing their homework, and who could do better.

Australia

Record: 1 win from 3 matches, have conceded the Bledisloe cup AGAIN and look to be fighting it out with South Africa for second. Consistency – we don’t do that. But beat South Africa and looked competent and competitive in their last match.

Coach watch – Robbie Deans ‘We are building for the World Cup’. Could prove controversial when he reveals it’s for the 2015 cup. The job seems to have aged him, could look older than Graham Henry by the end of the tournament.

Star player – David Pocock by a country mile.

Style watch – New yellow jersey looks like beach wear – could be contributing to wrong mind set? Saia Faingaa is working those braids. George Smith might want to mention to him that the greatest Springbok prize in his era was not the Tri- nations or the World Cup, but one of his braids.

New Zealand

Record: 4 from 4. Have laid waste to the competition like the four horsemen of the apocalypse (who probably wore black shirts as well). Showing off in fact. Equivalent of teacher’s pet to refs. Standard seem to have dropped marginally in last match. This team could be destined for greatness.

Coach watch – Graham Henry – Smug, moderately insufferable. Has assumed the mantle of the wise man, starting to resemble Yoda. Must be sniggering at Robbie Deans.

Star player – All star performers but no one is bigger than the team – aahh.

Style Watch – Black is the new Black. Owen Franks’ short hair must be the reason he was the only AB yellow carded – the ref saw him and thought ‘Thug’. May as well get ‘Thug’ tattooed on his forehead. Close up photos have revealed this is in fact the case.

South Africa

Record: 0 from 3. Abysmal. Obviously did no home work at all on the new break down rules. Looked old and sluggish. Won it last year, from hero to zero this year. COULD DO BETTER.

Coach watch – Pieter de Villiers - ‘Conspiracy!’ ‘Favouritism!’ ‘What I meant was…’ It WAS a conspiracy – Elvis told him. Borderline psychotic rants vastly more entertaining than watching the Boks.

Star player – I’m struggling here – could have been Danie Roussow had he not failed to make contact with McCaw.

Style watch – style free zone. Mullet is the hairstyle of choice, and beards are in, making Victor Matfield look 15 years older than he actually is. The coach’s ‘tache is the only thing more ridiculous than what comes out of his mouth.

Wallabies v. All Blacks – Round 2 or what do the Wallabies have to do to beat the All Blacks?

Photo from http://www.flickr.com/photos/sam_herd/3029254804/

If had the ear of Robbie Deans ( and laying aside the fact I don’t quite have his coaching experience) I’d say to him ‘Robbie, or if I may call you Dingo…’ this is what you need to do to beat the All Blacks:

1. Take them on at their strengths. They like fast ball from the ruck – how about some s-l-o-w ball from the ruck. Drop overmuscled but underbrained Richard Brown, shift Rocky to 8th man, bring on another fetcher – is it Waugh, is it Smith, is it whoever, but two fetchers will slow the ruck down, while the All Black backline kick their heels and practice their swerves.

2. Kick intelligently and practice all week:

• Kick it out and steal the opposition ball from the line out (you might practice getting your own ball while you’re at it)

• Kick a few highly pressurized up-and-unders – I’ve seen Mils get the dropsies and The Rocket man bounce one off his noggin.

• If they know you’re going to run it each time that’s easy to defend so mix it up a little – and they find broken play running as hard to defend as you do.

3. Discipline discipline discipline - no more yellow cards

4. Practice receiving kick offs.

5. Fitness – hit them in the last 20 minutes when they start to tire like they did last week.

6. This is a bit underhand – but you want to win don’t you? Rough them up, be all over them like a rash, in their faces – I saw the Sharks do it to the Blues a few years ago, and in about 5 minutes flat BAM! notoriously short of fuse Troy Flavell was in the bin for trying to land a haymaker. The New Zealanders will see the funny side eventually. Probably.

7. Invade New Zealand. You have a big army, they have a little army. Simple really. They’ll never have the Bledisloe cup again because:

• Your army will take it

• It’ll be one country now, nobody to compete against

That’ll mean you’ll be hosting the World Cup next year, home advantage for a record three cups – sounding better all the time. Come on the All Wallabies! Robbie Deans will get all smug with Graham Henry – who got the better job now huh? HUH?

8. The Wallabies could claim there’s a refereeing conspiracy against them to drum up interest in the World Cup. Nah, that’s way to far fetched, that would just be silly.

There you go Robbie, spurn these pearls of wisdom at your peril.


So while I’m at it, a few sage words for Graham Henry:

1. Do exactly what you did last week

2. This is a golden opportunity with the Tri Nations practically wrapped up to try out a replacement for Achilles Heel (because there’s only one of him) play maker extraordinaire Dan Carter. Give Aaron Cruden a good go.

My prediction: well the All Blacks can’t play that well four Tri Nations matches in a row, but in Christchurch they aren’t going to lose so a 7 point win over the Wallabies.